In My Very Soul
by Sithkiller
Summary: A combination of action and romance. The adventures, feelings and thoughts of Rain Ketaru, Jedi padawan, who discovers that she and Anakin are becoming more then just friends... And time only brings more and more complications.
1. Prologue

**Hey guys, welcome to my Star Wars fanfiction story. The first few chapters are short and maybe a little too dramatic, but later on the action starts. Have fun reading!**

**Rachel**

**PROLOGUE - A POEM + PREVIEW**

**(SCROLL DOWN FOR PREVIEW!)**

_I never wanted this_

_I never chose this_

_When I close my eyes_

_It's him I see_

_When I'm thinking_

_It's about him_

_He is in my very soul_

_Tormenting me._

_The code forbids it_

_We cannot act_

_It rips me apart_

_Every time I look at him_

_As it does to him_

_Every time he looks at me_

_He is in my very soul_

_Tormenting me._

**PREVIEW**

_Watch out. It's dangerous. I love you. May the force be with you._

I could feel his pain when he said that he loved me. The pain he had suppressed so badly. But it was gone even before it had fully reached me; he wanted to hide it from me.

I answered him.

_I'm sorry. Love you, too. May the force be with you, Anakin._

Then, suddenly, we heard a loud beeping noise.

"Enemy Vulture droids! Five of them! On our tail!" Yelled the pilot.

"If they hit us on our tail, it'll damage our main reactor!" I yelled back.

"Troopers, get to the guns!" Anakin said, and the troopers went off.

"Where are the other gunships? I don't feel them behind us anymore, it seems that they're already on the ground…" I asked.

"That scum must have messed with our signal and radar. We stand alone." Awnsered the co-pilot.

*BOOM* The whole ship was shaking.

"WE'RE HIT!"


	2. Teriss

**TERISS**

It all started on a small system called Teriss. We had a long mission together with our masters, and worked together a lot. We became friends, well, a little more then that. First, I thought it was just that I admired him for being so talented (witch he really was, actually). But when we were alone one night, I realized that it was much more than that, for both of us.

I passed by him in the dining room, when we had both taken a shower from the training we did.

"Have you heard any news from Obi-Wan and Callan? I'm a little worried. Maybe the rumors were true and Grievous really is on this planet." I asked him.

"No, I haven't heard anything…"

He sighed.

"I hate waiting. Why wouldn't they let us come with them?" He said, frustrated.

"I don't know. I know what your thinking Anakin, and the answer is NO. Were not going to disobey orders and go looking for them."

He laughed.

"I never said that!"

"But you were thinking it, mister."

He laughed even harder. We always cheered each other up, I don't know how, It must be a kind of bond we have.

"I'm worried too, though. It's been three days…" He said. "But I'm happy to be here with you." He added a little insecure. Anakin, insecure? I'm not even sure those words fit in one sentence together. He was always a little mysterious, but very sure of himself. He always knew what to do.

And I didn't know how to react.

"Yes, me too." That came right out of my heart.

I was doing my best to look away from him, and he saw that. He raised his hand, and very carefully, as if I was made of glass, he took hold of it and placed it so that I looked him right in the eye. He never touched me before… It was so soft…

He had such beautiful eyes. Bright and ocean blue, and they seemed to speak to me. And they told me the thing I had known for a long time, but I just never wanted to admit.

I was madly in love with him.

And then it happened.

I saw him leaning forward, and I couldn't breathe. I thought only two things. One: _please __come __closer, __please __come __closer__… _and two: _no! __This __cannot __happen!_

His lips only a centimeter from mine, I gave in to the second thought.

"No!" I whispered and turned my head.

"I'm sorry…" I heard him say, and he walked away.


	3. Bad News

**BAD NEWS**

"Callan! Obi-wan! I'm glad to see you back in one piece!" I joked, but it came right out of my heart. I approached them as they set foot on the ground, and the speeder that brought them here departed. I immediately felt Anakin's presence behind me.

"Hey, what happened? You were gone so long, we were beginning to worry…"

He said. His voice emotionless, like that of every Jedi. (As you probably should have guessed, I'm still working on controlling my emotions. But Callan sais I'm going to turn out fine.)

I saw Callan hesitate, and he took a brief pause.

"We were…-" He couldn't seem to find the right words, and I wondered what was going on. Obi-wan finished his sentence.

"- We were interrupted by something. But we'll discuss that later. First things first. When we got to the capital, on the other side of the system, we soon found out that we're definitely not on neutral ground here. We had four squadrons of clones with us, and we were nearly crushed by the separatists. We should be safe here, but we have to come up with a plan."

"Did you contact captain Ktah in the nearest star destroyer? They should hear this, so they can prepare the troops for battle." I said.

"No we didn't. There was no time. Could you do it? Oh, and Anakin, I need you to go to the prisoner level. Take him with you." He gestured at a man, that had stood behind him all the time, trying to don't get noticed by us. I wondered why he had to be imprisoned.

Anakin didn't ask questions, he just immediately did what he was told.

And so did I.

When I had contacted a surprised captain Ktah, I went to the command room. A large holomap showed us the thick forest and the base where we were, and the capital, home to the enemy. They were about two thousand miles from each other. Not much.

"Ah, Rain, glad to see you. What did Ktah say? Will it be possible to defeat them, with the forces we have?" Callan asked me, as I entered the room.

"He said that it could be a possibility, but we… uhm… his exact words were: ""tell that master of yours that he has to be god damn out of his mind, to want to take over a mud hole like this."" "

Callan laughed.

"It may not be the prettiest planet, but if the separatists will continue to control the system, they will be too close to the republics systems, and that will be just too high of a risk. The captain's just teasing me."

"I agree, master. When will we launch an assault?" I asked.

"We don't know yet, but it won't be long, or the enemy will find out exactly where we are."

He walked over to the corner of the room, where a coffee table stood, with some comfortable chairs. Obi-wan already sat there, with Anakin at his side.

Callan invited me to sit, and I eagerly grabbed some fruit. I hadn't eaten this morning, and as I thought about it, nor did I yesterday evening.

"So… I think I'm going to take a shower." Obi-wan said. I looked at him and couldn't help laughing. He looked awful. His normally white Jedi robes were brown, mud everywhere.

"Yeah, laugh, I don't care!" He yelled as he walked out of the door, laughing.

And then it went silent. Neither of us had the need to say anything.

It was Anakin who broke the silence.

"Master Callan… Can I ask you something?"

Callan looked up, surprised.

"Yes, of course, Anakin."

"What happened when you came here, and you started telling us why you were held up, and for some reason you fell silent. What happened, apart from the hard fight? Because I know something else happened." Wow. He was brave.

It was quiet again for a few seconds and then Callan answered:

"Nothing happened, I was just a bit off track. We had a heavy fight."

But you could hear that he knew Anakin did not believe him.


	4. Just a Thing That Happened

**JUST A THING THAT HAPPENED**

"_I can't describe how wonderful I feel right now. Its like if all the beautiful feelings I ever had, together. Times forty-three. It's pretty overwhelming, that I can tell you. I'll do the best I can describing it."_

It was such a normal day. Like every other day since we have been here. We slept, we ate, and we got together a lot with our masters, in the command room, to discuss tactics. The usual. Except for what happened that evening.

I walked from the room where I slept to the command room, quietly, deep in thought. And then I saw him approaching.

God, he was stunning.

Every part of him. His hair, his eyes, his mouth, his flawless skin… I immediately felt desperate. I wanted to be as close to him as possible. Smell him, touch him, let him touch me.

He came closer. I had stopped.

I now let everything I felt, all my emotions, gaze through my body freely. I knew it was wrong, but I couldn't help it. I didn't want to resist it anymore. I felt love, passion, strength, everything. And the force only made it stronger. There was a bond between us. I could feel what he felt, just as if it were my own. And he felt exactly the same as I did.

A few seconds passed, and then there came a point where he just couldn't resist it anymore. He ran to me, grabbed me by my hips, and kissed me.

Wow.

He slightly opened his mouth, and I felt his oh so sexy tongue. I stroked his hair back with my hand, and the other one lay on his back. He had his hands still on my hips, grabbing me tight, and then he pressed me against him. I had never been so close to somebody before.

And then, to soon, he ended the kiss.

"_Rain… you are in my very soul." He whispered in my ear._


	5. Preparations

**PREPARATIONS**

Ok. Here we were, and one of the biggest battles of my life so far was about to begin. Nervous? Absolutely not. My thoughts were too abstract for that. I was breathing slowly in and out.

The army was divided into three. Obi-wan had the command over one part, as well as Callan, and Anakin and I together also had one. The enemy had just found out that we were here, and so they didn't have had enough time to receive reinforcements. Anakin and I would attack first, and make them think this was all, but by the time the battle had caused enough distraction, Obi-wan and Callan would attack the flank. Then they would be overwhelmed and we would crush them. At least, that was the plan.

In about half an hour it would all happen. I could feel the adrenalin gaze through my body. Of course I was excited. I now had a chance to prove myself. And I would.

Now you're probably wondering… Anakin. Well, I have to disappoint you, there's not much to tell. We were both really focused on preparing for battle. Giving orders, make sure everyone knew what their task was, checking equipment and vehicles, the whole lot.

But I can't say the tension wasn't high.

Anakin was pacing around, looking tense. He was talking to his comlink.

"No I haven't done than yet, because commander Tyler promised he would send the lot here, when he got them…..Well, assuming that I don't have them here right now, he hasn't got them yet…..Yes, you do that… Bye!" He pushed the button and sighed. Then, he turned around, and looked at me.

"I'm sorry." He said, and you could see he didn't even know what he was apologizing for.

"Anakin, relax, give the guy a break, he's only doing his job." I smiled at him, feeling calm and peaceful, now I was with him.

A long pause followed.

"I know. I'll apologize to him later."

"Good." I kept smiling at him, hoping it would calm him down. I could see it was working, his face seemed to relax, and his expression softened.

"Thank you."

"What for?"

"For caring for me."

And he walked away.


	6. Battle of Teriss part 1

THE BATTLE OF TERISS - PART 1

I stepped on a gunship, along with Anakin and some troopers. As the ship set off from the ground, I felt a huge excitement roaring through my body. Now I had the chance to prove myself, to prove that I was worthy of being a Jedi. I was ready for it. Now was the time.

"Make your way to the enemy base, give the signal to the other pilots." I commanded.

My comlink went off, and I heard Callans voice.

"Rain, you can do this. May the force be with you."

"May the force be with you too, master." I answered, and I felt euphoric.

Anakin, too, wasn't nervous at all, he had a very concentrated look in his eyes. I couldn't help feeling warm inside as I looked at him. Anakin felt this, and warned me through the force. Our bond was so strong that I could almost hear his words inside my head. It was something like this:

_Watch out. It's dangerous. I love you. May the force be with you._

I could feel his pain when he said that he loved me. The pain he had suppressed so badly. But it was gone even before it had fully reached me; he wanted to hide it from me.

I answered him.

_I'm sorry. Love you, too. May the force be with you, Anakin._

Then, suddenly, we heard a loud beeping noise.

"Enemy Vulture droids! Five of them! On our tail!" Yelled the pilot.

"If they hit us on our tail, it'll damage our main reactor!" I yelled back.

"Troopers, get to the guns!" Anakin said, and the troopers went off.

"Where are the other gunships? I don't feel them behind us anymore, it seems that they're already on the ground…" I asked.

"That scum must have messed with our signal and radar. We stand alone." Awnsered the co-pilot.

*BOOM* The whole ship was shaking.

"WE'RE HIT!"

"This isn't going to work…" I groaned. We had to come up with another plan. Suddenly, I had an idea. An entire force energy shield, that would protect everything in it. I'd read about it. But it was highly advanced, and extremely rare. No Jedi alive had ever created it. We couldn't possibly do it.

"Rain!" Anakin shrieked suddenly.

"What?"

"Your idea!"

"How did you -"

"No time, let's go! Pilot, open the hedge."

"General, what are you doing?"

"No TIME! Open the hedge!"

I was shocked, but excited. I had a feeling this might work. So, we force-jumped out of the ship. The five vulture droids were still on our tail, trying to hit our shield generator. If they did, it was all over. I grabbed Anakins hand, and, this time, I didn't try to suppress the connection, but made it stronger. Anakin did the same, and suddenly I found it hard to stand up straight. I was totally overwhelmed by the Force. Anakins hand gripped tighter around mine. It was amazing. Beautiful. I closed my eyes and every sound, every color, every emotion, stormed through me and Anakin. We were whole.

Then, I focused completely on grabbing all the Force around me and pulling it towards our hands, the hands that were strangled in a tight embrace. I couldn't keep my eyes closed any longer, so I opened them, and was amazed by what I saw. An orb full of colors, even colors I'd never seen before, floated around our entangled hands. And as I put my confidence in it, it got bigger and bigger, until it surrounded us both. Then we looked in each others eyes, and I shivered as I saw in his eyes the beautiful new colors I'd also seen in the orb, that was now becoming a shield. It was working. The shield expanded, surrounded the ship, and when it hit the enemy ships, they were just blown into a million pieces.

Suddenly, I knew why no Jedi alive had ever done this. The secret ingredient was love, and Jedi are not supposed to feel love.


	7. battle of Teriss part 2

THE BATTLE OF TERISS – PART 2

And then we let go. All the emotions, colors and sounds disappeared, and it felt like they were never there. I closed my eyes and opened them again. Then I suddenly felt nausea hitting me, and an all-destroying pain in my whole body. Come on, Rain, concentrate. Don't let the pain control you. But I was just too tired for that. All the energy left my body, into the orb.

Next to me Anakin let out a terrifying scream, gasping for air. I quickly turned to him. He grabbed me by my arm and said in a weak voice:

"Come, we have to go inside again."

I ignored the excruciating headache and let myself fall into the ship. Immediately, we were surrounded by troopers. I heard several voices.

"Generals, are you alright?" And: "How did you do that? They just… blew up!"

"Not important… just continue the mission, get… to the ground!" I managed to get out of my mouth.

Anakin still had a very tight grip on my upper arm. I wondered why he didn't let go. I got the answer short after that. He just collapsed, taking me down with him. I fell on top of him, and hit my head against the wall. I felt blood drain over my face, and a sharp pain. I had to fight to keep my consciousness. With all the strength I had left, I rolled off him, and saw that he was unconscious, sweating, and shivering. What could be wrong with him?

"Somebody HELP!" I yelled. I felt the troopers approaching; I didn't look up from Anakin's face. I had a feeling I would never forget this terrible sight.

"General Ketaru, you need to lie down, you've got a pretty bad head injury." A trooper forced me down. I struggled. I needed to get to Anakin. I had developed some healing skills over the last few missions. I could help him!

"Anakin… What's wrong with him…? Help him!"

"We're doing everything we can. You just need to lie down." How could his voice be so calm?

A few troopers surrounded Anakin, they blocked my sight.

The thing that scared me most, was that I couldn't feel him through our bond anymore. Even if I tried really hard.

"Let me go, I can help him!"

The trooper, who had taken his helmet off, was still trying to nurse my wound. He didn't succeed. I struggled and kicked (not with the intention to hurt him, of course), but he didn't give up. Luckily for me, I was stronger. I managed to get on my feet, but I had to lean against the wall, or I would fall over. Now I needed to get to Anakin.

Then, I heard a bloodcurdling scream inside my head. I pressed my hands against my head, and fell down on my knees. It felt like my head was going to explode. The scream got louder and louder… _Please make it stop… Please make it stop!_

And then I realized it was him.

"He's gained consciousness! General Skywalker! Can you hear me?"

"It's not looking well. It seems he's got some kind of infection."

"We can't help him, we need to get him to the base. We don't have the tools here."

Anakin…

The screaming stopped. I could think clearly again. As fast as my legs could carry me, I ran to him and kneeled down. His eyes opened and found mine.

"You're gonna make it, Anakin, I'm gonna make you better."

Force healing is one of the most complex things within the skills of a Jedi. It won't do much with wounds, but could do a lot with the mind and things on the inside. I was planning on transferring a part of my own energy to him. But, I didn't have much left myself, so it was going to be very dangerous for me. I knew that, and I simply just didn't care.

I placed my fingertips on his forehead, closed my eyes and concentrated. I blocked out everything apart from him. After I found my ultimate state of meditation, I let the energy, the force, and the strength slip out of me, into my beloved one. His breathing became steady, and he stopped shivering. I felt his clammy hands grab my wrists, and pull them off his head. I opened my eyes. He laughed at me.

"And, once again, Rain Ketaru saves the day."

"Yeah, I figured you might be getting bored of it."

I stood up. Anakin did the same.

"Hold on mister, your still sick. I might have stuffed some force in you, but you need to get to a doctor, and quick."

I walked to the trooper that had tried to get me under control.

"I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time."

"Whaha. Never mind. At least you gave me a story to tell for the rest of my life!"

"Are you sure you want everyone to know you got beat up by a girl?"

We both laughed.

"What's your name by the way?"

"I'm 3447, but everyone calls me Harvey."

"Nice to meet you."

A long pause followed.

"OK. How long till the base camp?" I asked.

"Way to far. Hours. We got far off course. It'll be dark in almost an hour. I think it'll be best if we look for a place were we can spend the night." Someone answered. Another trooper went to the cockpit to talk to the pilot.

"Has anyone tried to contact Callan and Obi-wan?" Anakin asked.

"We have, but our radio system got damaged during battle. We're still fixing it. Plus, they keep jamming our signals."

"My comlink isn't working either." I sighed.

Anakin sat down on the ground.

"What's wrong?" I almost started freaking out again.

"I feel like vomiting."

"Take this." Said the trooper whose nickname was Bullet, as he handed him a bottle of pills.

"Eh… miss Ketaru, I strongly advise you to sit down as well and finally let me nurse that head of yours." Said Harvey, and he grinned.

As he did so, I wondered what Callan and Obi-wan were doing now. Would they be worried about us? I mean, our whole squadron arrived at the fight, except for us. Would they send troopers to look for us?

We finally landed near a cave. There were ten troopers, a pilot, Anakin and me. There were sleeping bags for emergency's like this in the gunship, along with just enough food. A few troopers made a campfire, others gave everybody a sleeping bag, some prepared food, and Anakin and I explored the area. As we were away from the camp, where it was finally quiet, Anakin took a deep breath.

"Wow, it's wonderful to be alone sometimes."

"You want me to go, too?" Suddenly the leaves of the yellow plant I stood next to were very interesting.

"No, silly. I meant us two alone together."

"Oh." I tried not to look at him.

"What's wrong?"

"… Just… this. I hate this. The situation. We can't fool the others forever, you know. It just makes me feel guilty."

"I've been thinking about it, too. Maybe we should include someone. Someone we trust."

"No. That can't happen, Anakin. If we tell Callan or Obi-Wan, they would be obligated to tell the council."

"Then what? What can we do except hiding? We have already proved we can't ignore each other!" He said, a little irritated.

"Well, yes, you proved that absolutely right, when you almost assailed me in the hallway that night!" I snarled.

"Ouch! What did I deserve that for?"

"Nothing… I'm sorry."

"Come here…" He said, and he gave me a hug.

Half an hour later we came back to the camp, and we ate something with the rest. It wasn't very tasty, but I was used to that. And then, when it was getting really dark, everybody got into their sleeping bags. After a while, I sensed everybody was asleep (also the trooper that was supposed to keep watch), except Anakin and I.

"Can't sleep?" I whispered.

"No. I know I should, I really need to rest, you too by the way, but I just can't."

"Me neither."

It was quiet for a while. (Well, not exactly, a few troopers were snoring.)

"Rain…"

"Yes?"

"Thank you so much. For everything you did today."

"Your welcome."

"By the way… I just can't remember. It's all blurred up in my mind. How did you get that head injury? When did that happen? Did you fall?"

"Not exactly…"

"What happened then?"

"You… kind of pulled me down with you when you collapsed." I took off my robe (don't worry, I was still wearing a shirt under it) and showed him the bruise on my upper arm. You could see exactly where his fingers had been.

"Let's say you have a very firm grip." I laughed.

Bud he didn't laugh. He was closer to crying.

"I did that?" He whispered.

"Ani, I really don't mind, you couldn't help it."

"I'm so sorry…" He covered his eyes with his hand.

"Ani, listen to me. You. Couldn't. Help. It." I said and I pulled his hand away, and looked in his bottomless eyes. He closed them, and I gave a soft kiss on one eye, then the other, his forehead, his cheeks, and then his mouth. I felt him shiver from pleasure. Then I pulled away his shirt and gave a kiss on his bare chest. I could see that that turned him on a little.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" I immediately held distance.

"Don't apologize. I really don't mind." And he gave me a significant look.

"Of course you don't…" I laughed.

"Hey, don't laugh! I can't help it!" But he laughed too.

"No, probably not, you're a guy, but you also aren't doing everything you can to prevent it."

"How do you know that?"

"Your hand is on my femur."

"OK, you win. By the way, my other hand feels excluded. Where do you think he feels happiest?"

"Make a guess." I knew that was a stupid thing to say.

He moved his hand.

"Anakin! What the-"

"You said make a guess. I think I guessed right."

"Take it off." I tried to, but didn't succeed. I think my subconsciousness didn't want his hand to leave its place.

"Did I?" God, he was enjoying himself.

"Yes, you did. Now take it _off_!"

He obeyed. I couldn't help smiling too.

He gave me the significant look again, and bit his lip.

"Stop torturing me! It's mean!"

"You started it."

"And you just did a good job ending it. Goodnight." I smiled and turned on my back.

"You're forgetting something…" Before I could protest, he leaned over me and gave me an endless, passionate kiss.

"Goodnight."


End file.
